Why Are You Allowed to Talk Ep. 3

*This is a series of dumb things my friends and I say* 

Carly: The baby shit.
Andrew: The baby lost her shit! *Starts laughing so hard he starts crying, snot coming out of his nose, drool going everywhere*
My Friend: Are you crying?! You’re a vagina.

~~

Andrew: *On the phone with Keigan* Oh god I left my dryer on, I gotta go.
Keigan: Oh okay bye.

~~

Me: *Singing at 2 in the morning* I been fucking pills and popping hoes… wait…
Nick: Ummm how does that work?

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Me: At least John bought me a pretzel!
Samm: What about my pretzel?!
John: That sucks!

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Andrew: Abby, Nick just broke my heart…
Me: How?
Andrew: He said he’s not into men…
Me: *Looks at Nick who is laughing uncontrollably*

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Andrew: *Bowls a strike*
John: *Points and yells* You’re a piece of shit!

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Me: Can you take Carly and I at the same time?
My friend: Ummm I can whoop both of your asses at the same time blindfolded if that’s what you mean.
Carly: Oh…
Me: Bet!

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*Playing Monopoly*
Andrew: The longest game of Monopoly lasted 70 days.
Me: Man, I don’t think I could stay awake that long…
Coleen: *Cracks up* Abby… they take breaks and sleep.

~~

Carly: He couldn’t have gone out the back door because there’s a fence, and he would’ve had to hump the fence to get there.
Andrew: Hump.
Carly: Hop.
Me: *Cracking up*

~~

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Why Are You Allowed to Talk Ep. 2

*This is a series of dumb/funny things my friends and I say*

Andrew: *Talking to a friend* You look like Amelia Earhart with that jacket on.

~~

Me: *Sees a helicopter* is that Life Alert?

Carly: Life Alert?! Do you mean Life Flight?!

Me: Oops, yeah…

Carly: Help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Okay we’re sending a helicopter.

~~

Sam: *Sitting in his Range Rover* I wonder what happens if I put it in drive.?

~~

Andrew: *Talking to my nephew Jordan, who’s from the city* It was rather flame my guy.

Jordan: *Dies laughing* What….?

Andrew: Is that not what they say in the city? I was trying to sound like one of you city kids.

Jordan: No.

~~

Me: *Talking to a drunk friend* it might snow…

Friend: What?! No it’s 44 outside! It has to be 32% degrees outside to snow!

Me: Thirty two… percent degrees… yep. You need to sleep now.

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Keigan: Watch me put 20 cough drops in my mouth and see what happens.

*Puts 20 cough drops in mouth*

*10 minutes later*

Keigan: Guys… I can’t feel my face.

~~

Me: *Singing*

Andrew: I don’t know if it’s because you have a nasally voice but you sound like a 12 year old boy.

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*Andrew, Carly and I going through the drive through at Starbucks*

Andrew: *Starts playing camel sounds through the radio*

Starbucks Lady: *Opens the window* *Starts laughing*

* We all lost our shit*

~~

Keigan: Stop being racist…. I’m a giraffe!!

~~

Please enjoy this as a final segment:

 

I hope you guys liked that haha. This is one of my favorite things to write about because it really shows you my true self and how I love to have fun and do stupid things.

Blogmas

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Snapchat: Abbs717

Twitter: Abby_Marie2194

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Email: AbbyCarroll360@gmail.com

Why Are You Allowed to Talk? Ep. 1

*This is going to be a series of conversations my friends and I have that make me laugh.*

Carly: This is Post Palone!

Me: Post mates?

Carly: Post Palone.

Me: Most Palone.

~~

Me: I’m really getting into EDM lately.

Andrew: I don’t think I know who she is…

Me: Not she. Electronic Dance Music.

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Nick: Well… theres a chance the baby could be either a boy or a girl.

Andrew: Oh really now? What else could it be?

~~

Andrew: Knock knock.

Carly: Who’s there?

Andrew: Lettuce.

Carly: No.

Andrew: Oh come on!

Carly: F**king lettuce! I mean lettuce who…

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Carly: *On the phone with her boyfriend* How’s the baby?

Andrew: Delicious.

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Friend: *Prank calling a store* Hey, I just bought a Range Rover are you impressed?

Store lady: Ummm not really.

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*Andrew, Carly and I driving around.*

Andrew: I’m Doug Dimadome owner of the Dimsdale Dimadome.

~~

Thanks for reading this nonsense. I hope you found it as funny as I did 💙

Social Media 

Instagram: Abby_Marie.12

Snapchat: Abbs717

Twitter: Abby_Marie2194

Pinterest: AbbyCaroll360

Email: AbbyCarroll360@gmail.com