Don’t get me wrong, I love winter a lot. I really do.
I love the snow. I love how pretty everything looks when it’s white. It’s a beautiful sight that I don’t think I could ever live without. I’ll always be dreaming of a white Christmas. It’s just not Christmas to me if there isn’t snow on the ground. I don’t know how people have Christmas without snow and the cold. I couldn’t image having a Christmas tree up and it being 70 degrees. Seems absurd to me. I don’t know… that’s just how I’ve lived my entire life.
Being a winter baby, you’d think I’d be ecstatic about winter coming. As summer was coming to an end and fall was beginning I felt a sense of peace in me. I went for walks everyday with Matt and life was good. Halloween came and I was living. I love the spooky season. It was as if my mental health was finally on my side and life was good. I was content with the way things were going. My acne cleared up and everything. I didn’t think that would ever happen.
Then fall started fading away and so did my energy, my motivation and my happiness. I have seasonal depression if you didn’t know. During this time of year I start to get sad. It gets dark so early now. I used to love staying out late. Going on nighttime walks, laying on the hood of a car out in the country watching shooting stars, early mornings and late nights. Plus it’s cold. I don’t like the cold. I’m little. I have no fat on my bones. Nothing to keep me warm except layers upon layers of clothes that I don’t like wearing. It sucks. Don’t even get me started on the dry skin. I hate it. I hate dry skin so much. My scalp gets so dry and itchy. It makes me so upset. I have to put more effort into keeping the dryness away when my energy is already low. It’s weird to explain. I probably sound crazy talking about this.
This morning I woke up and saw snow on the ground. That’s right, snow two days after there were tornado warnings. Crazy right? That’s Illinois for you. I think the snow is beautiful. It’s something I love seeing. I love the way the snow makes everything brighter. I love throwing snowballs at people and making them upset. Sorry Matt…. no I’m not you deserved it.
My relationship with winter is truly a love/hate one. Normally I can stand it and love it until Christmas and New Years. After that I’m ready for spring to come around. January usually seems like it takes six months to pass. Even though it’s my birthday month and I should be living happily. My birthday is the one thing that keeps me going through January. I’ll be turning 21 whoop whoop. I’m excited to not do anything alcohol related. This winter I’ll try to make more of it and not let the seasonal depression get to me as bad as it did last year.
It’s hard to be sad when your best friend has a very cute baby