At the end of the day, at the end of every goodbye, the monsters say hello. They grin, knowing it’s their time to shine now. The time when everybody has gone and you’re all alone. No, not Bigfoot or Slenderman.. not those kind of monsters, the monsters in your head. Nothing to distract yourself from listening to the demons trying to lure you in with their negative thoughts. They want you to believe their lies they send through your brain waves.
“Nobody loves you.”
“This world would be better off without you.”
“You shouldn’t be alive.”
“You provide nothing for people.”
“You’ll never be good at anything.”
The thoughts you’ve been ignoring all day long. You’ve distracted yourself with human interaction, work, exercise, you’ve done a good job making it through the day. That’s the easy part… the day is nothing compared to what gets thrown to you at night, laying in your bed, staring up at the ceiling alone. You remember all the good things your friends said about you.
“You’re an amazing person.”
“You give your whole heart to help people.”
“I’ve never met a more caring person.”
“Look at everything you’ve done to help me.”
“You saved me.”
Silently repeating those to yourself to force back all the negative monsters trying to break the ice. You think you’re weak. You think there’s nothing you can do this time. Night after night it’s the same old thing. You’re so, so tired but no matter what you do you can only manage a few hours of sleep a night. They’re winning you over and you’re starting to give in simply because you’re too mentally drained to keep up the fight. You’re tired of constantly feeling like you’re losing a battle you never wanted to be in.
A sense of being lost consumes your body. Being lost without any sense of knowing which direction to go in. Each way you turn there’s the monsters, waiting for you to walk towards them. They’re trying to lure you in until you ever so badly want to give up. Ending it seems like the only way out. You don’t know where else to turn… there’s nothing.
“Nobody understands what I’m going through.”
“I’m too messed up to be helped.”
“I don’t know who to go to anymore.”
Then there go the monsters, taking another innocent person.
If you or a loved one struggles with depression don’t be afraid to get help.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255