Crashing Down

Hey guys.
Welcome back.

Today I just gotta rant about something.
Do you ever work your ass off for something then it all comes crashing down because of one little thing?
That’s me right now. Let me explain.

I might sound really sarcastic and joking about all this, but I’m actually fucking pissed. 

There’s this guy. I’ve been working my ass off to try and start a relationship with him for a little over a month now. We’ll call him Alex.  Three days ago, it all came crashing down. This guy and I both have a mutual guy friend that we both talk to and hangout with. I’ve known this mutual friend since I was 15. That’s five years. We’ve been nothing more than friends… for five years. The guy I like, has a friend whom I don’t talk to. I hardly know him. We’ll call him Tony. Crucial information right here.

A few days ago, I was sitting on a front porch with the mutual friend, we’ll call him Mark. Mark was pretty upset over a girl. Then he threw up. I felt so bad for the poor kid. He sat down on the steps to the porch and I put my arm around him and gave him a half way hug. I told him everything would be alright. Then, Tony walked out and thought we were kissing. Which, we weren’t. I’m not like that, nor do I want to be anything with Mark. I was only trying to support my friend while he was going through a hard time.

Well… the next day, I get a text from Alex that says, “Did you kiss Mark”. I replied with “What are you talking about”. So a big thing got started. A big thing that I DID NOT DO. I didn’t know where he heard it from or who had been saying it… or if he was completely making it up. Later that day, I went to talk to him and Alex said he heard it from Tony. I walked over to Mark and told him who said it because Mark was mad that it ruined something he had with a girl. I took Alex on a walk and told him that I’m not like that and I wouldn’t do that to somebody I’m trying to have a potential relationship with. I don’t think he believed me. You know when your best friend tells you something you pretty much automatically believe it even if it’s completely the opposite of what happened. Fuck.

So now, I called out Mark, even though he didn’t do anything to me. I said I can’t be his friend at the moment because I’m trying to fix things with Alex because I want it to work between us. I see a lot in him and I don’t want it to be over like this. I don’t want this to get ruined like everything else does in my life.

As of right now. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Part of me feels defeated, losing the battle,  weak, just wanting to give up. Another part of me feels like I should keep trying to mend things and see where it takes me. I should keep fighting until there’s nothing left for me to fight with. If you know me, you know I don’t give up that easily. If I want something, you bet your booty I’m going to work my ass of for it.

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