Today is yet another lifeline. This one might be one of the most special and embarrassing ones I’ve done yet. That is, my cousin, Devynn.
We’re the reason people created mental institutions. We used to be idiots. Who am I kidding, we’re still idiots. Just not as bad as we were 8-9 years ago.
She used to live exactly a block away from me. We hungout almost every single day for years. We had codes nobody else knew about. We hated going to family things if one of us wasn’t going to be there. When we weren’t together, we were texting. Even when we were together, we would text each other. We have so many inside jokes and stories from the past, but before I tell you all how dumb we are, let’s rewind a little.
Devynn is my second cousin on my dad’s side. We’re two years apart and we are almost the same person. We always used to say we were telepathetic. Get it? Telepathic and pathetic. Yeah, I know. We aren’t funny. But it was funny as hell 6 years ago. From all of those inside jokes to the song tong o rong yong. We thought we were so sneaky with that dumb code language. We easily got decoded and caught. We were highly upset. We had our own handshake that we remember still to this day. The last time we were together we did it and Sam, who was driving us to Taco Bell, was beyond confused at what he just witnessed. So… we used to be pretty weird.
We used to be obsessed with Nicki Minaj, Ghost Adventures, American Ninja Warrior, Jackass, light sabers, Degrassi, peace tea and most importantly One Direction. Now, we’re just obsessed with Ghost Adventures. Sometimes we throw back some Nicki Minaj. Starships was our favorite. Our favorite thing to do in the summer was go up to the grade school playground, sit on top of the monkey bars or on the swings and listen to music for hours.
We went through a two month long phase where we used to think we were Ninja’s. We were definitely NOT ninja’s. We went all out and got wrist braces, bandanas, ankle braces and most importantly, band aids. We went through a lot of those. We used to climb up in trees and sit there after a long day of being stupid. We would roll on the ground, make obstacles out of anything and everything we could find, and just try to do some hardcore parkour. Actually, after every obstacle we completed, we would yell in a manly voice “Hardcore Parkour! Yeah!” No wonder why we didn’t have any other friends. One time, we discovered that we could climb up one of the trees in my backyard and sit on one of the long branches. Awhile later we noticed we could pull my trampoline under the tree and jump out of the tree and land on the trampoline. That was all fun and games, until I jumped out of the tree, came flying back up and hit my head on the tree branch, knocking myself out. That was the end of that.
This is a phase I’m more embarrassed about. We used to love watching Jackass. You know, Jonny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn (R.I.P god bless you), Wee man, Preston, the whole crew. Well, we decided to create our own Jackass. We used to walk around town doing things we thought were dumb. They weren’t friggen dumb though! Sorry 13 year old me, walking in the middle of the damn highway with a light saber isn’t funny or tv comedy gold. It’s stupid. I wouldn’t pay to watch that. I’m just glad there was no video evidence of all that chaos. Dear puberty, thank you so much. I’m still ugly, but at least I’m not like that anymore.
One Direction Phase: This was by far the most embarrassing phase I’ve EVER gone through. Good thing Devynn introduced me to One Direction and went through it with me. Every. Single. Inch. of my walls were covered in One Direction posters. One Direction magazines were everywhere in my room. Same with Devynn. Our entire lives were 1D. My dad hated it. But doesn’t every 12 year old go through this phase? I really hope we weren’t alone in the One Direction madness. That would be really upsetting. Anyway, all we would talk about is that boy band. We watched all the video diaries, knew every sentence by heart, we knew anything and everything about them. That’s when Twitter was becoming popular. So we had Twitter’s and literally creeped on them all the time. I hate myself for even typing this out. This is something we both try not to think about. We never did get to see them in concert though. Which would’ve just added to the madness. Thank god we moved from One Direction to All Time Low.
During those phases, one of our favorite pastimes were playing with legos and burning Barbie’s hair off. We stepped on so many legos then. Now every time I see a lego on the floor I’m triggered. It brings back the seething pain of a lego being pressed into my heel. Ugh. Even thinking about it hurts.
That’s enough of telling you embarrassing stories of us. I’m cringing too hard.
8 years later and we’re still super close. She lives in a different state though. We still talk, tweet, text, FaceTime almost everyday and she comes back pretty often. It’s like nothing changed (except we grew up). Now we love Taco Bell, Target, Ghost Adventures, Starbucks, face masks and driving around listening to throwback music. She’s the family member that I’m the closest to. I’m closer to her than I am to my own siblings. We pretty much used to live together and we loved it. Someday we wanna live together again so hopefully we can make that happen in the future. We went through our awkward phases together. I’m glad it was her and not anybody else. Plus she stuck by me when we were both boy crazy. Thanks for that man lol.
Also, we need to get another Bop it.
Long story short, we used to have a Bop it and we were playing with it one day. We used to sit across the room from each other and throw it. Well, it broke. We were upset, still are upset and will still be upset in 10 years. Or until we get another one. I think we should invest in one soon. Target trip!!
For your enjoyment, here’s some pictures of us in our prime a few years ago. Back when I didn’t know bleaching my hair made me look better. Our potato days.
You’re going to read this and probably cringe and laugh so hard. Then hate our past selves. But you know what? Puberty did us well! I’m excited to see all the dumb things we’ll do together in the future. For now, we need to get Starbucks soon, so get your booty back here.
As for all of you, I hoped you liked reading the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever put on the Internet. Hopefully you don’t unfollow now haha. See you all next time! Thanks for reading.
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