Never in a Million Years

I never found out what I did wrong, or why this had to happen.
It’s all gods plan.

You said you would never do something like this because you aren’t that type of person.
I believed you.
I thought you were such a great person and I looked up to you, literally. For awhile, I thought you would always be here.

After some time, things changed.
Sadness turned into anger.
Anger turned to yelling.
I couldn’t take the stress… it was unbearable.

My hair started falling out. My appetite completely disappeared for two weeks. My healthy weight was gone. All my motivation left when you did. I couldn’t get out of bed for three damn days.

The love I once had for this world vanished. The grey clouds that overwhelmed me everyday showed no sign of leaving anytime soon.

Seeing you leave for the last time was watching my entire world crash down. I let the tears fall. I let all my emotions out. Then, I realized I wasn’t the only girl in your life. I wasn’t good enough for you, so you needed to go behind my back with somebody new.

It all clicked then. I deserve better. I can do better. I WILL do better. I am free now. Free from your negative energy. Free from the harsh words you called me. Free from it all.

Right now, I’m hurting. I will hurt for awhile. But I’m going to recover. 

I will make it. I will come out stronger.

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8 thoughts on “Never in a Million Years

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      1. That’s an asshole move (excuse the language). Sorry about that. I’m sure you’ve heard it all by now. “You’re too good for him” or “Someone’s out there just for you” or “It’s for the best” or “it’ll pass” etc. etc….
        But do know this, go for gold in a guy and don’t let one idiot discourage you from finding someone. Just keep your guard raised a little just in case another idiot tries to come along. All the best. I wish you well.

        1. Oh it is an asshole move. Don’t be sorry! Yes, I’ve heard it all. I just gotta get back up on my feet and keep moving forward. I can’t let some guy keep me from living my dreams. Thank you 💙

  1. This may sound a bit cruel … and I am sorry if it does … 2 years is a long time but in a long(er) run, it’s better that you found out now that he us not right for you and that there is a very lucky guy out there who is. Now you are free to find that someone or that someone is free to find you.
    It’ll hurt for a while and then there will be sunshine again. Hang in there. This site helped me to get over a relationship loss (especially people who left comments on my blogs). I was able to take that “feeling” and get it out by writing here. Stay strong and keep on posting here!

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