Why Are You Allowed to Talk Ep. 3

*This is a series of dumb things my friends and I say* 

Carly: The baby shit.
Andrew: The baby lost her shit! *Starts laughing so hard he starts crying, snot coming out of his nose, drool going everywhere*
My Friend: Are you crying?! You’re a vagina.

~~

Andrew: *On the phone with Keigan* Oh god I left my dryer on, I gotta go.
Keigan: Oh okay bye.

~~

Me: *Singing at 2 in the morning* I been fucking pills and popping hoes… wait…
Nick: Ummm how does that work?

~~

Me: At least John bought me a pretzel!
Samm: What about my pretzel?!
John: That sucks!

~~

Andrew: Abby, Nick just broke my heart…
Me: How?
Andrew: He said he’s not into men…
Me: *Looks at Nick who is laughing uncontrollably*

~~

Andrew: *Bowls a strike*
John: *Points and yells* You’re a piece of shit!

~~

Me: Can you take Carly and I at the same time?
My friend: Ummm I can whoop both of your asses at the same time blindfolded if that’s what you mean.
Carly: Oh…
Me: Bet!

~~

*Playing Monopoly*
Andrew: The longest game of Monopoly lasted 70 days.
Me: Man, I don’t think I could stay awake that long…
Coleen: *Cracks up* Abby… they take breaks and sleep.

~~

Carly: He couldn’t have gone out the back door because there’s a fence, and he would’ve had to hump the fence to get there.
Andrew: Hump.
Carly: Hop.
Me: *Cracking up*

~~

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