*This is a series of dumb things my friends and I say*
Carly: The baby shit.
Andrew: The baby lost her shit! *Starts laughing so hard he starts crying, snot coming out of his nose, drool going everywhere*
My Friend: Are you crying?! You’re a vagina.
Andrew: *On the phone with Keigan* Oh god I left my dryer on, I gotta go.
Keigan: Oh okay bye.
Me: *Singing at 2 in the morning* I been fucking pills and popping hoes… wait…
Nick: Ummm how does that work?
Me: At least John bought me a pretzel!
Samm: What about my pretzel?!
John: That sucks!
Andrew: Abby, Nick just broke my heart…
Andrew: He said he’s not into men…
Me: *Looks at Nick who is laughing uncontrollably*
Andrew: *Bowls a strike*
John: *Points and yells* You’re a piece of shit!
Me: Can you take Carly and I at the same time?
My friend: Ummm I can whoop both of your asses at the same time blindfolded if that’s what you mean.
Andrew: The longest game of Monopoly lasted 70 days.
Me: Man, I don’t think I could stay awake that long…
Coleen: *Cracks up* Abby… they take breaks and sleep.
Carly: He couldn’t have gone out the back door because there’s a fence, and he would’ve had to hump the fence to get there.
Me: *Cracking up*