Social Anxiety: the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people.
Growing up I was always the shy kid who sat in the back of the room and observed everything. I did the least amount of talking possible that I had to do. Some people thought I was ‘stuck up’ or ‘too good’ to talk to others but in reality I just had social anxiety.
I’ve always been a very, very shy person. I try to stay out of the spotlight and keep to myself as much as possible, only confiding in my few close friends. My anxiety never got really bad until I started high school. I get anxious over literally anything. I came from a pretty small school with the total number of kids averaging 230. Even then that was still a lot for me. I didn’t like being in group projects or having to associate myself with others because that’s what triggered my anxiety. I have a huge fear of people judging me, going behind my back, making fun of me… all that stuff. Sometimes it’s still hard to open up to even my closest friends knowing our pasts together. At times I feel like I have to keep everything to myself and bottle it up until I have a breakdown over it. I hate myself every time for not talking to somebody about it but when something else happens I don’t tell anybody. It’s all just one big circle.
Being around a lot of people at once physically and mentally drains me. Concerts, parties, ceremonies, or even hanging out with a bunch of my friends can give me anxiety. Even if I know everybody in the room I can still feel anxious if there’s a lot of people around. One time I spent an entire weekend around hundreds of people. That Monday I slept for 15 hours because I was so drained. If there’s an upcoming event where I know a bunch of people will be there I can’t sleep at night worrying about it.
Sometimes I feel like my anxiety controls my life. It prevents me from sleeping, eating, functioning normally and so much more. There have been times where I go days without sleep then my body finally caves in from being so mistreated. I know I should probably go to the doctor or see a therapist about it but I just never have. I don’t know why. I have my good days and bad days. When the bad days come it’s like a hurricane though. I’ve never really opened up to anybody about it because I feel like nobody will understand, but I know there’s others out there like me who have the same problems.
Disclaimer: this is how social anxiety effects me personally. Other people won’t experience the exact same type of social anxiety that I do. While others may have similar experiences to me there are many different types of social anxiety so no two people might deal with the same kind. These are just my stories.