Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something.
As long as I can remember I’ve struggled with having confidence. Mainly because of the way I look. I’ve wanted to stand out and be different, but at the same time I want to fit in. I felt like I didn’t fit in with anybody because I was too different, and I didn’t like that. I hoped I could find a happy medium but it never happened. I learned I had to embrace how I looked.
From 4th grade to freshman year I looked like a potato… not a good looking potato either. I still had baby fat on my extremely chubby cheeks, I had no jawline, I always wore my hair up (I was a complete tomboy). I even had the dreaded braces for 3 years, from 6th grade to 8th grade. At that point I wasn’t worried about the way I looked though. I just wanted to ride my bike and be a kid.
It wasn’t until high school when I started to get made fun of. Freshman year I went from being a potato to an awkward little twig. I finally lost my chubby cheeks, my jawline became visible and I was able to smile without metal braces showing. Even though I thought I looked better, others didn’t think so. To everybody, including myself, I was all skin and bones, which I was. I’ve never been able to do a single pull up or do more than 3 push ups. I got told I was anorexic, I didn’t wear clothes that were in style, I didn’t do anything with my hair, and I didn’t wear makeup.
- I’m not anorexic. I eat more than most of my friends do every day. I just have a very fast metabolism.
- I would rather be comfortable than suffering all day. I wore a sweatshirt, jeans and tennis shoes almost everyday.
- I wore my hair natural everyday. Down and straight. I dyed it blonde once a year because I hate my brown hair.
- Even today I’m not really into makeup. I never found it as a necessity. I do wear it sometimes, maybe once a month.
What people said sort of bothered me then, but not anymore. I can just laugh at it now. Everybody goes through that awkward phase in their lives. Mine just decided to last a really long time.
Now I’m 19 years old (I know, I look like I’m 16). I’ve been out of high school for a year and I’m slowly starting to love myself. I have good days and bad days but at the end of the day you can’t change how you look…. well you can, but it’s expensive and painful. I’ve learned to embrace how I look, be weird, stick out, and do whatever makes you happy because you only get one life so you better make it a good one.